Friday, 14 March 2014

The Modi wave

What is the Modi wave? Physicists are searching for new theories to explain it. Is it connected with the hand pointing skywards? Is Leaderji on it, in it or under it? Could it be an electromagnetic wave heading harmlessly into the distance, at most hitting an atom to cause short-lived excitement?

No one knows the exact answers, but most experts think it is most like an ocean wave causing a prolonged disturbance as it heads for shore. They think Leaderji is riding the wave, but are unsure how stably he is standing. If it is an ocean wave, then it needs wind to drive it, and they have identified a powerful wind machine providing this: a virtual 3D Leaderji in 53 locations (for a few million dollars); 200 LED-screen trucks traversing UP with the soothing message 'Modi aane wala hai'; chai pe charcha - with the small risk of some chai-stains ending on the Leaderji-faced tea cups.

But such gusts are not enough to whip up a wave: steady wind over a wide area is needed. The experts have now found armies of latest-technology-powered mini wind generators. These whirr into action in the ancient kingdoms of comment-land and twitterstan: the nation is facing a plague of "spineless blood sucking congie leeches", Kejriwal is a "USA chamcha with naxalite ideas", Sagarika Ghose is a bitch, that too a smelly one. But Leaderji "gives us hope", writes Ananth. Prasad gets poetic: "Life is not worth living without a lofty dream to pursue". Madhav is "gonna stand for Modi till death".

Thus the mini-winds which start life in twitterstan and comment-land journey to the sea. Fuelled, the mighty wave gathers pace, picking up debris as it moves. A Yeddy falls off but is later spotted back in the foam. A Paswan jumps into the wave just in time nearly missing it as it passes. There's some inevitable friction as battling cousins realise there may no longer be space for two on the wave. The debris is now so great it seems you need a ticket to be part of it.

That's the current state of knowledge. Physicists do not yet know the end of this story. Does the wave continue to grow and proudly reach the shore? Does it break too early? Could Leaderji fall off?

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